He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
