How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
