Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
