I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
