her vagine was all disorganized.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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