I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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