It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
