Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize