did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
