she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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