she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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