I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
