whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
