Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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