from now on my penis is your penis
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
