I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
