i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
