My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
