Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
