I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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