ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
