well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
