I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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