Tell her she can't have a vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
