At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
