There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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