I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
