What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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