she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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