i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
