Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
