Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we're making bets on your personal life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So. Much. Porn.
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