allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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