dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no, he came in my armpit
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
