I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
