Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
