I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it's great music for shaving your balls
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
