Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
