I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
