I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
