Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
