it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
