I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
