my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
