The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
