Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
