thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
