so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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