You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
