oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
