Got a toothbrush?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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