Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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