well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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