Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
