it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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