Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
