i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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