its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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