She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your cock deserves a montage
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
