I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
