Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
