Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize