Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
