Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
