Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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