Need sex. Gaining weight.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
