i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
