I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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