Soap is not a condiment
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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