Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
