I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
