i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
