At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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