She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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