Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
