My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
