Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
