Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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