4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the condom got lost in my hair
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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