My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
